Day 12 & 13 Gratefulness Journey--Rivers of Time

I'd heard from a newer acquaintance this morning that she'd just lost a family member -- while I was out driving my daughter to work.  It stopped time for us both when I heard this, for a moment.  Just to sit there with her and acknowledge I understood. It's not always this way--where people connect and acknowledge.  Honor each other.  I'd seen several old friends this past week who were in town for a visit -- and realized how far away friendships can really be.  Relationships are with us for a time, and then they go away it seems -- things change.  It's not as if it's gradual either sometimes.  Maybe a relative passed on and they are now different.  Maybe their life scenario is really incredibly heavy right now.  Maybe they're dealing with more pain than they can bear right now.  Somehow, things change, time goes on, and with or without people in our lives we figure it out.  Watching how actions can show truth--or at least what is at the core of a scenario.  Again, back to that time as a young person, hearing what is said internally by others and watching their actions not be in line with their spirit's voice.  We have so little time together on this Earth -- so very little time.  I'm grateful for the gift of peace and the honoring of Truth that keeps our foundation strong.  Saying in Spirit to them, I'm over here--let me know when you're ready again.  Allowing space to be there where at one point there was none.  Like the waves rushing to shore on a beach...rushing upwards...further and further...then releasing their hold and falling back...all the while the sounds of the water, flowing.  

 Wondering what it is that binds people together for relationships, friendships, family ties or loved ones.  Each person being a reflection of everyone and everything.  Giving thanks that their choices are not always my choices, that I've been shown a way that works for me and my children  -- but that may not work for you...or at least be understood by you...in the way that is understood by me.  Hearing the Ancestors of the people I'm in contact with and understanding more of their circle in life.  How people are moving away from their Elders thoughts, words and deeds these days and how that is somehow complicating the whole range of actions.  There used to be a time when we all spoke from our hearts truth, and then went on to act on those very truths from our hearts.  There used to be a time when we'd hear each neighbor or loved ones words and they'd be included in all things.  As important.  I haven't seen that or heard that now in a while, which saddens me.  People have lost their connection to each other.  To their own hearts.  To the heart of Mother Earth.  I'm hearing more an more people getting angry at Mother Earth when she's in pain.  Angry at the global warming, the lack of snow, the earthquakes and the fires.  Stomping their feet like children wanting to be listened to...while Mother Earth continues to bear the pain of their insolence and pride.  Waiting and watching for other like minded or like hearted people.  Continuing to pray.

“There will be a few times in your life when all your instincts will tell you to do something, something that defies logic, upsets your plans, and may seem crazy to others. When that happens, you do it. Listen to your instincts and ignore everything else. Ignore logic, ignore the odds, ignore the complications, and just go for it.” 
― Judith McNaught, Remember When

“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.” 
― Haruki Murakami

Wondering why it is that when one friend appears, another is still sacrificing.  Being told long ago those times are no longer.  Watching people continue to live in a life of sacrifice even tho.  Remembering the stories of Jesus walking with the cross and the crown of thorns...bleeding and barely hobbling along.  I ask my Christian friends why they continue to lie, when they do...I ask Him the same thing.  Aren't the lies making his suffering longer?  His walk harder?  Even after they know all they espouse to know?  So odd to me, human nature.  The frailty of the soul...how easy it is to take a step backwards when the true path is forward.  Even myself, leaving things unsaid with my longtime friends, allowing the distance again to widen.  Was I in too much pain to deal with that?  Wondering.  Praying.  Not following that which doesn't ring true to what has been shown...perhaps that is all.  Knowing that there is so much more to life...to love...to beauty or even to Nature.  Perhaps it just isn't time.

“And then I felt sad because I realized that once people are broken in certain ways, they can't ever be fixed, and this is something nobody ever tells you when you are young and it never fails to surprise you as you grow older as you see the people in your life break one by one. You wonder when your turn is going to be, or if it's already happened.” 
― Douglas Coupland, Life After God

“I thought how lovely and how strange a river is. A river is a river, always there, and yet the water flowing through it is never the same water and is never still. It’s always changing and is always on the move. And over time the river itself changes too. It widens and deepens as it rubs and scours, gnaws and kneads, eats and bores its way through the land. Even the greatest rivers- the Nile and the Ganges, the Yangtze and he Mississippi, the Amazon and the great grey-green greasy Limpopo all set about with fever trees-must have been no more than trickles and flickering streams before they grew into mighty rivers.
Are people like that? I wondered. Am I like that? Always me, like the river itself, always flowing but always different, like the water flowing in the river, sometimes walking steadily along andante, sometimes surging over rapids furioso, sometimes meandering wit hardly any visible movement tranquilo, lento, ppp pianissimo, sometimes gurgling giacoso with pleasure, sometimes sparkling brillante in the sun, sometimes lacrimoso, sometimes appassionato, sometimes misterioso, sometimes pesante, sometimes legato, sometimes staccato, sometimes sospirando, sometimes vivace, and always, I hope, amoroso.
Do I change like a river, widening and deepening, eddying back on myself sometimes, bursting my banks sometimes when there’s too much water, too much life in me, and sometimes dried up from lack of rain? Will the I that is me grow and widen and deepen? Or will I stagnate and become an arid riverbed? Will I allow people to dam me up and confine me to wall so that I flow only where they want? Will I allow them to turn me into a canal to use for they own purposes? Or will I make sure I flow freely, coursing my way through the land and ploughing a valley of my own?” 
― Aidan Chambers, This is All: The Pillow Book of Cordelia Kenn

Giving thanks today for the beauty around and before me.  My children, our home and the cool breeze that blows gently through the window.  The Sunshine and warmth.  The Prayer.